Mismatched Mess

of life, love, fashion, & forgetting to update


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Facing It

face

I make eye contact
With the reflection I know.
I face my imperfections,
The aging.
The scars, scratches and subtle features.
There’s a slight wrinkle along my forehead.
Cheeks riddled with scars.
Indentations on either side of my mouth
Formed from two years of a too-long sentence with braces.
The soft, splotchy brown that divides my face in two;
A birth mark starting at the corner of my tear duct
Snaking its way across my cheek and falling down my neck.

I make eye contact
With the reflection I know.
I face my imperfections.
My eyes tell a story
Of tired days and bright adventures.
My mouth slightly curves upward,
Whether I’m smiling or not, no one could tell.
The features of my face show maturity,
But only the kind of wisdom that comes
To a woman in her mid-twenties
When she finally realizes
She knows even less than she thought she did.

I make eye contact
With the reflection I know.
I face my fears, failures and facts of my life.
The facts that were too long left buried
Which I finally find the courage
To dig out and
Find a way to move forward.

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Girl Hate

Last night at church, I broke up a pre-teen fight.

Two girls in puppy love with the same boy, a third girl out to help one and hurt the other.

The two girls ended up ganging up on the third child because she ruined the chance of ‘love’ for all of them by her lies and slander.

Sigh. It was tiring.

Mostly, because these are small children using phrases like “relationship” and “love life.”  *shudders* But also because the glaring hate these young children showed to one another with no regard for anyone’s feelings but their own was unacceptable and absolutely pointless.

This isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with young children being hurt, offended and incredibly rude to each other. They gossip, openly compare and criticize each other’s looks, and form cliques.

Those comparisons keep a lot of us women down, I think. We are competitive in one way or another and it hurts when we end up on the short end of the stick. The two main personal insecurities I’ve compared to others have been my fashion and success. Yeah, hair goes up there, as well skin, teeth and makeup, but some are just more prevalent than others. (I’m writing a post about some more of my insecurities that will hopefully be up soon, so I’ll keep this part of ‘girl hate’ short.) Many of us probably have that ONE thing we constantly compare to others. When you notice that one thing you’re comparing is better than someone, you rejoice, but, if–by your measure–that other person excels, then it’s easy to go on the offense. Jealousy, gossiping or unnecessary self-criticism may occur.

All day I’ve been tied up with stories of teenagers killing their friends for petty reasons; boyfriends, drama and just not wanting to be friends with them anymore. Killing. Murder. It hurts my heart. Obviously, these are extreme cases of girl hate, but why? How does someone think so little of another human being that they go ahead and decide planning a cold blooded murder is acceptable? Or what about bullying;that they can form joking ‘killing clubs‘ and harass others online and in person all because they aren’t liked? OR, taking it down another notch, how it seems every girl ever on the Internet prides themselves on the drama they create. If “I hate drama, don’t start drama or I’m gonna go crazy on you” is in someone’s About Me, you can bet they are the real starters of said ‘drama’.

But, even those of us who don’t cause drama, don’t bully, don’t KILL—even we’re allowing constant comparisons and hate rule us, and teaching our children to do and feel the same insecurity we do.

 I want to change the girl hate I’ve expressed and challenge the hate I’ve experienced.

It has broken friendships and caused others pain. It has also caused me pain. I know of specific hate directed toward me that people think I don’t know about. It’s difficult to keep that down when society says it’s ok to tell the world about people’s ‘fakeness’, but I know that spreading it would not vindicate me. I also know that people are complex and girls can over think everything. That specific ‘hate’ toward me could have stemmed from something I said or did. It wasn’t fair that they chose to act that way, but was it ok for me to cause mistrust in their life?

My past is not blameless. I realize my faults and failures. I realize how and when I compared myself to other women. I’m done letting my insecurities take precedence over friendship, even if that means telling all those secret insecurities to the world just to get it off my chest. I want to challenge myself to step out from my own comfort zone and give others positive encouragement and support where I used to just give silence or neglect.

With that, I hope to continue reaching out to our younger generations of girls to help them see that we can all be FOR each other. Even if it means I’m going to embarrass myself along the way, I really want to make my wrongs right. I want to stop the girl hating and help in my tiny little way to empower girls to feel okay about themselves and feel that it’s okay to spread love.


 

Speaking of women love, check out these amazing posts about empowering women to love and accept themselves and those around them!

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